


How Can I Ever Change the Things I Feel?

by poppetawoppet



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4722497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the <a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://ficforhope.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://ficforhope.livejournal.com/">ficforhope</a> challenge. Originally based off the kinkmeme prompt: David/Carrie, David tries to convince her not to marry that other guy</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Can I Ever Change the Things I Feel?

David didn't expect to see her on his doorstep.

They talked a lot on the phone, and sometimes through emails, but their schedules were so vastly different, face to face was not usually their thing. Which was probably good, considering their past.

But for some reason Carrie stood on his doorstep, her face composed, eyes hidden by large sunglasses, and a small bag beside her.

"Is it okay if I crash here?"

There was a hoarseness in her voice and David nodded and stepped aside.

"You okay?"

Carrie let out a short laugh. "No. But I wanted to be somewhere that wasn't full of people who wanted to interject their opinions and viewpoints. Where maybe someone would just listen."

David pulled the door closed behind him. "So basically I'm your dumping ground."

She smiled and took off her sunglasses. "Something like that."

She had been crying. David could see that much. He didn't ask why, since she was still wearing the ring on her left hand. Although from what he had read even in reputable magazines, maybe it was the reason she had been crying. He didn't ask.

If she wanted to tell she would. David was honest with himself, he wouldn't mind one bit if the ring came off her finger, but he also wanted her to be happy. He admired her in so many ways, he sometimes felt in awe of the fact that she even noticed him.

Not that she ever acted like she was above him, just that David was very well aware that Carrie Underwood was out of his league, kiss or no kiss.

"So which room do I get?"

David shook himself and said, "Sorry, woolgathering. Follow me."

"Do you need anything? Tea? Cookies? Stiff drink?"

Carrie shook her head and set her bag on the bed. "I think I'd just like to sleep for a bit. It's been a long day."

"Okay. You need anything, you let me know."

He pulled her into a quick hug, trying not to remember the last time she had fit against him, and smiled.

"David?"

He turned before leaving the room. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

He nodded, and walked away wondering what had made her so down, what had caused the normally bright and happy to be so quiet and withdrawn.

*

He was watching a movie when she came down. She had changed into loose flannel pajamas and bright purple fuzzy socks, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. David blinked once, the pull inside of him so strong he could have sworn he felt himself move.

"I never knew you were such a sucker," Carrie said as she stole his popcorn and curled into a chair.

"I happen to like this movie."

"Wait till I tell TMZ that David Cook likes chick flicks."

"Everyone already knows I cry at the drop of a hat. You did watch Idol, right?"

"Pansy."

"I should kick you out for those insulting words, Underwood."

"You know you like it."

David bit his tongue then, because they were toeing a line. They had always toed a line, but the ring on Carrie's finger winked at him, and reminded him that toeing the line was one step away from cheating, and he wasn't that guy.

"I do. I was on _American Idol_ I must be a masochist."

She laughed and threw popcorn at him.

"Stop pretending you are so smart. I know better."

"You know what? I give up. You win."

Carrie smiled. "I always do."

For a minute she looked happy, but her eyes shuttered too quickly for David's liking.

"That's it. Spill."

She looked at him and sighed. "It's complicated."

"Isn't it always, with us?"

*

Everything about the Christmas special had gone as planned. The duet had been perfect, and David thought that "Lie" was the best it had been in weeks.

"Thanks for coming by," Carrie said, and hugged him.

"For you? Anything."

She bowed her head and fluttered her eyelashes. "Anything?"

David rolled his eyes. "Tease."

"Your just jealous because FOX likes me better than you."

"That's because I'm not a corporate suck-up."

"Ouch," Carrie laid a hand on her chest. "That hurts. Deeply."

"Whatever. I have to get going anyway. Plane you know."

"Don't be such a stranger," she said, and hugged him again.

David held her longer that he should have, leaning his head and thinking of what could have been. He pulled away, his hands still on her shoulders.

"Don't do anything too stupid without me there to mock you, okay?"

She nodded, and didn't move. There was something in her eyes, and David should have recognized it. He gasped as she stepped forward and kissed him, not the delicate touch of friendship, but her hands in his hair, his still on her shoulders. When she broke away, her lips were swollen, and her breath came in short bursts.

"I—" she whispered.

David shook his head. "I don't think this is a good idea."

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

David shrugged and squeezed her hand tightly before walking away.

He didn't remember much of that evening, except getting drunk with Neal and cursing women in general.

*

She had never shown any indication that they had ever kissed. David admired that. He hoped he kept his feelings on the matter internal, despite the constant struggle not to touch her. He had hoped he had moved on, but seeing Carrie here, it brought back every moment so clearly, in full digital zoom, and it killed him.

"I think we should get out of the house," Carrie said.

She had been there two days, the media still in an uproar over her disappearance.

"If we go out to dinner, people will see. You know that?"

She nodded. "I called Mike yesterday. I need to talk to him in person. So I want to have fun my last night out, okay?"

"Okay. Do I have to dress up?"

"Yes. You clean up well; you should do it more often. I'm going to get changed right now."

David watched her leave the room, and cursed himself for making the suggestion she should actually call her fiance and talk to him. Then he remembered he was the nice guy, and that he wanted her happy. And she looked happy.

*

"This is actually a nice place, Cook. You do have class, sometimes."

"I take all the pretty girls here, so don't feel too special."

Carrie stuck her tongue out at him, and ignored the looks as they walked to a corner booth. The waitress was a big fan, but she had served David before, so she was actually quite sweet and left them mostly alone. David noticed quite a few camera phones, but he had already called his agent, so he ignored them.

"So what is next for David Cook?" Carrie asked, and toyed with her pasta.

"CD. Tour. Rinse, repeat. You?"

"Plan my wedding. Plan a tour. Basically stress, stress, stress."

"That's our lives. Don't forget an appearance on Idol."

She smiled. "Aw. You know you love it. It's good for sales. Plus, without them—"

David chimed in as she said "I wouldn't be where I am."

Their laughter was a little loud, and David didn't care. He knew he was unlikely to have Carrie to himself ever again, so he pretended, somewhere deep in his heart that this was a real date, and when he took Carrie home, she was his and not someone else's.

She waved at the small cluster of photographers outside the restaurant. David threw them a smile and got into his car. It would be interesting to see what the headlines read.

"That was fun. This week has been fun," Carrie said as she set her purse on the counter. "Thanks for letting me dump on you and then putting me back together."

David shrugged. "Hey someone has to keep Idol's Golden Girl together. It's part of my contract."

Carrie laughed and leaned into him, then stood back and straightened his ties. "Then you do very well."

David looked at her, and blinked. She raised an eyebrow, and waited for him to say something. He took her hands in his, walking her backwards until she bumped against the fridge. Carrie still said nothing, her eyes locked on David's, her mouth parted, as if waiting for him to finish what they had started last December. He leaned his head against hers, their mouths almost touching, and squeezed her hands harder, the ring—the ring—digging in, the only thing that kept him from making the move he had been avoiding all this time.

"Please," he whispered, and he knew he couldn't hide it anymore. "Please don't make me that guy."

"I won't," she said. "I just. I don't know anymore, David. I'm so fucking confused anymore."

David let a long sigh and closed his eyes. "I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I want to be there for you, but I can't tear myself apart every time you are around me. It's not healthy. So I'm going to ask you in the best way I can, to sort yourself out before I see you again."

Carrie nodded, leaned into him for a brief moment, and walked out of the room. David leaned against the refrigerator.

"Fuck," he said, and slammed his hand against the door. "Fuck."

As usual, he had probably screwed things up.

*

_David._

_I should have probably stayed long enough to say things, but after last night, I think maybe it's best if we spent time apart. I have a lot of things to think about right now, and I need to sort myself out before doing that even._

_I'm not sorry for what happened. Or for December. Because honestly, there was a reason they happened. It's on my list of things to think about._

_I am sorry for keeping you waiting. For hurting you. Because you deserve better._

_Hope to see you soon,_

_Carrie._

_PS Turn on TMZ. It's glorious._

 

David took the note in his hand and turned on the TV. He only had to wait for a minute before video of him and Carrie at the restaurant showed up. He laughed as they called him the other man, and accused Carrie and him of having a long and torrid affair. Luckily David had already issued a statement to his publicist, which he found quoted verbatim in every magazine.

"Ms. Underwood and I have been very good friends for awhile. She came to see me because I asked her to. We were going to try and work on a collaboration for my second album, but it didn't work out. I find it rather unfortunate that people seem to attach negativity to what I consider one of my best friends, and I wish her and her fiance all the happiness in the world."

A note arrived the next week, and all it said was "Thank you for everything."

David threw himself into the music, and ignored his heart, ignored the magazine he kept on his bedside table, a blurry picture of them smiling and laughing.

The album was a huge success. After the first week, there was a book, titled _The Superior Person's Book of Words_ and in it, familiar handwriting. "Saw this and thought of you. Congratulations, the album is great. Wish I could call, lots of things to say. Get some sleep before the tour!"  
David laughed and made sure to use at least one word from it in his next interview. He watched shows and saw her on them, saw her smiling face and began to put it away again, to tuck the feelings deep down, and try to move on.

*

One year later.

The knocking was insistent, and David looked at his watch. It was almost midnight, and the rain was pouring down. He opened the door.

She was there again, except this time she was drenched, her eyes unblocked and clear, and she carried nothing except her purse.

"Hi."

David looked at her for a really long time. "Hi. You do realize what time it is, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I was out driving, and then it started raining, and I found myself in your driveway. Will you put up a lost soul for a minute?"

David let her in, and noticed, somewhat shamefully, the absence of any rings on her fingers. He had been back from tour for only a week, and hadn't turned on the TV at all.

He wanted to ask questions, but she looked exhausted.

"Is it okay if I just go to bed and tell you everything in the morning?"

"Yeah."

She smiled then, and laid her hand on his cheek. "You are the best. Thank you for being patient."

He nodded and followed her down the hall. He laid in his own bed, and couldn't sleep.

He heard her voice and looked at his watch. It was one in the morning.

"I already told you everything! It's not my fault you don't believe me!"

David got up and opened his door.

"Mike, please. Stop calling me. I don't want to change my number, but I will—"

Carrie was in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a t-shirt she must have found in the closet of the guest bedroom. David was torn between an immediate shot of lust and a mild irritation at the other end of Carrie's phone call.

"Just stop calling Mike! We were done six months ago! Done!"

Carrie slammed the phone onto the counter, her hands clenched, her hair sticking up from where she had been running her hands through it.

"Oh."

David stood there, staring. She was a complete mess, and he had never seen her look more beautiful.

"You broke up with him."

She nodded. "I began to forget why I was with him in the first place. We got comfortable. Then we got bored. Then I began to realize what _I_ wanted. Then we fought."

"I see."

He couldn't move.

"I even went out with some other guys, just to prove I was over him. And he keeps calling. I shouldn't have to change my number because he can't hack it."

"I'd probably call you every day if you ever left me," David said, and regretted it the moment it came out.

Carrie raised an eyebrow. "David—"

"Tell me to walk away." He stepped forward.

"I don't want to," she whispered.

David snapped then, and crossed the kitchen and kissed her, her hands fisting against his bare chest. He buried his face in the hollow of her neck, sucking on the edge of her collarbone, his hands reaching under the shirt.

"David," the word came out long and slow, and Carrie's hands curled in his hair and brought his lips back to hers.

Carrie's eyes went wide as David cupped her breast, running his callused fingers over her nipple. She leaned against the wall, her head thrown back. David stepped forward again, pressing her against the wall, one hand still on her breast, the other cupping her moist underwear.

"Tell me to stop," He said.

"Don't stop. Not now." Carrie kissed him again, biting his bottom lip.

David nodded, and lifted her, her legs wrapping around him. She kept whispering suggestions in his ear, and it was all he could do not to follow them. He set her on the bed, and she peeled off the shirt and pulled him close, her hands on his hips, pulling him onto her.

"Will you just get undressed already?" She murmured, and David struggled to kick off his underwear, one hand reaching for his bedside table.

"Carrie," he said into her hair as she took the condom out of his hand and rolled it onto him.

"Waited, waited for so long," she said, and David almost fell apart then, her hands on his cock, her head tilted back.

Then she pulled him close again, and sighed when they came together. David kissed her again, his head buried in her shoulder when she called out his name, her hands grasping his shoulders as he called out hers.

*

"You have a picture of us on your nightstand."

David blinked, and winced as he saw the old magazine, faded and dog-eared, in her hands.

"I—"

She put a finger on his lips. "It's very sweet."

He smiled then. "Yeah, well, I thought I was kind of ridiculous."

She shook her head. "No. You did everything right."

She lay back down and curled into him, her hand trailing across his chest, "How long can I stay this time?"

David paused, and decided to go ahead and take the leap.

"Forever, if you want."

She nodded. "I can't. Not yet. But I want to."

David let out the breath he had been holding.  
"Then I'll just wait until you can."

*  
Sometime in the future

From People:

BIRTHS: _American Idol_ 's David Cook and Carrie Underwood have announced the arrival of their daughter, Ada Marie Cook. Young Miss Cook was 7 pounds 12 ounces. A joint statement from the two Idols thanks their fans for the support, and according to those at the hospital, both parents are absolutely glowing with joy. Congratulations!

 


End file.
